请帮我评一下这篇作文暑假趣事rn，在暑假的这几天，我家来了一群“不速之客，光顾我家”，这种虫子黑黑的，小小的，有点像跳蚤，在我...
请帮我评一下这篇作文
暑假趣事rn 在暑假的这几天，我家来了一群“不速之客，光顾我家”，这种虫子黑黑的，小小的，有点像跳蚤，在我家爬来爬去，闹得我家鸡犬不宁。桌子上地上都有他们的踪影。妈妈看了看说：“这确实不是跳蚤，这是一种虫子，叫橡子，他们生在大米里，或在干菜里生的一种虫子，是一种害虫专吃大米和干菜，我们必须端了橡子的老窝，并且消灭它们，不能让它们生长下去！”rn 我和妈妈找了几天都不见它们的老窝。终于有一天，我发现了它们的老窝。这时妈妈正在睡午觉，我叫醒妈妈说：“妈妈，妈妈，我找到了！我找到了！”妈妈说：“找到什么了啊？大惊小怪的。”我说：“我找到了橡子的老窝了，在梳妆台的抽屉里有一包干菜，在干菜里面。”妈妈说：“等我睡醒之后就和你一起来消灭橡子，将它们一网打尽。”rn 一觉过后，妈妈起来了，轻轻的拉开抽屉一看，啊！抽屉里果然有一包干菜，生了好多橡子，于是妈妈拿着杀虫剂对着抽屉喷了几下，然后关上抽屉，过了5分钟，妈妈打开抽屉看看里面的橡子死了没有，大部分的都死了，只有一小部分还在昏迷中，躲在里面没死，于是妈妈叫我把抽屉到阳台上去晒，把干菜扔到垃圾桶里。然后回到阳台上，再看看抽屉里有没有漏网之“鱼”，没死的捏死去，然后把东西一样一样抖出来，放在阳台上晒一晒，放回抽屉。今天总算出了一口恶气，把它们全部消灭了，我好高兴！很精彩，好文章啊，就是有些标点符号用的不合适，总之你的文笔还不错
可以吧
你几岁了，如果是初一，还算可以，如果是高一，建议女里去学吧！！！
请高手帮忙修改并评价指正这篇4级作文，谢谢!
For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay in honor of teachers on the occasion of Teacherx27s Day. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.rn1向老师表达节日祝贺rn2从一件小事来回忆老师的教诲和无私的奉献rn3我如何回报老师的关爱rn Teacherx27s DayrnAs is known to us all, today is the Teacherx27s day. Having attended our university for two years, I really want to say "Thank you!" and "Best wishes!" to all of my professors, for they have been working hard and exerting all their strength to help us to make progress in our major, to enlarge our mind, to open up our eyes, and so forth.rnrnIn these two years, there are some little cases which reflect teacherx27s convection and contribution to us. Topping the list, it was my french teacher, Madame Guo, that take extra trouble over my french when I had just had a surgery. On account of the surgery, I had to lie down on the bed and just read something. After her classes, she called on me and give extra lessons to me. At that time, my heart was filled with gratitude. What a kind-hearted prefessor! During that semester, she had given me 10 extra lesson. In return, I tried my utmost to improve my french competence. I become more and more boung up in french.rnrnAs a sophomore who takes up french, I am looking forward to making some plans or somewhat promises in order to appreciate my professor, one of which is that I am going to make more efforts to study french. Additionally, I will help her with some of her daily work, considering that I have some experiences about working in the Student Union and in the Youth League General Branch.你好，根据你的文章，我做了如下修改。
As it is known to all that today is Teachers' Day.（注意as是连词，前后句应该成句，另外运用从句会加分）Having been in my university for two years,（attend表示出席会议、课堂什么的 ，来大学两年这样表达就行）I really want to say "Thank you"and "Best wishes"to all my teachers,for they have been working so hard and exerting all their strength to help us,broaden our horizen（开阔眼界这样表达）,enlarge our mind.With their help,it is fortunate for us to make great progresses （注意单复数）in our major.
During these two years ,there are some cases expressing their selfless devotion to duty as teachers.（大学老师用teacher就行，professor是教授）Madame Guo,my French teacher,stands in the first place in my heart（在我心目中第一位）.She spends her free time teaching me French after I have operation.During that time,I had to lie down on bed and only did some readings,and it's amazing that Guo came to hosiptal for 10 times in person to make up what I had missed for courses.I was deeply moved by such a kind-hearted person.Due to her persistent contribution,my French improves a lot and I become more and more confidence in French.
As a sophomore who major in French,I'm looking forward to repaying my teacher's contribution to me,and I think the best way is make more efforts to study French.Additionally, working in the Student Union and in the Youth League General Branch help me gain experience about working,so I would like to assitant my teacher's work to alleviate her stress.
首先，写文章要注意逻辑，必要的语法要掌握，避免结构累赘。
give a lesson to sb表示给某人一个教训、上了一课;心存感激不能是my heart was filled with gratitude，英文中只能是人很感激，主语必须是人，你可以这样表达express one's heartfelt gratitude 表示衷心的感激；take up表示占据、开始从事，专业是法语可以这样表达，I major in French;appreciate,通常是I appreciate your help ，欣赏多用于文学方面，强调对事物有深入的理解能力。表达谢意用express one's gratitude 最好。
这篇文章总体来说真不太算好，实话实说，但是，只要你注意我所说的，注重细节，反复多多去练习，最后把历年真题都做一遍，因为熟能生巧嘛，我相信你四六级作文还是可以很优秀的。
望满意~~~~~~~~~~
As it is known to all that today is Teachers' Day.（注意as是连词，前后句应该成句，另外运用从句会加分）Having been in my university for two years,（attend表示出席会议、课堂什么的 ，来大学两年这样表达就行）I really want to say "Thank you"and "Best wishes"to all my teachers,for they have been working so hard and exerting all their strength to help us,broaden our horizen（开阔眼界这样表达）,enlarge our mind.With their help,it is fortunate for us to make great progresses （注意单复数）in our major.
During these two years ,there are some cases expressing their selfless devotion to duty as teachers.（大学老师用teacher就行，professor是教授）Madame Guo,my French teacher,stands in the first place in my heart（在我心目中第一位）.She spends her free time teaching me French after I have operation.During that time,I had to lie down on bed and only did some readings,and it's amazing that Guo came to hosiptal for 10 times in person to make up what I had missed for courses.I was deeply moved by such a kind-hearted person.Due to her persistent contribution,my French improves a lot and I become more and more confidence in French.
As a sophomore who major in French,I'm looking forward to repaying my teacher's contribution to me,and I think the best way is make more efforts to study French.Additionally, working in the Student Union and in the Youth League General Branch help me gain experience about working,so I would like to assitant my teacher's work to alleviate her stress.
首先，写文章要注意逻辑，必要的语法要掌握，避免结构累赘。
give a lesson to sb表示给某人一个教训、上了一课;心存感激不能是my heart was filled with gratitude，英文中只能是人很感激，主语必须是人，你可以这样表达express one's heartfelt gratitude 表示衷心的感激；take up表示占据、开始从事，专业是法语可以这样表达，I major in French;appreciate,通常是I appreciate your help ，欣赏多用于文学方面，强调对事物有深入的理解能力。表达谢意用express one's gratitude 最好。
这篇文章总体来说真不太算好，实话实说，但是，只要你注意我所说的，注重细节，反复多多去练习，最后把历年真题都做一遍，因为熟能生巧嘛，我相信你四六级作文还是可以很优秀的。
望满意~~~~~~~~~~
真的很好好了
给点我作文的评价
窗外的鸟儿rn 星期天下午我写完作文，想找点事情做做，可又无聊的很，写完了乏味的作业眼睛十分的酸向窗外看看，我家住在四楼小区内的景物尽收眼底，我看望见一群七八岁的小孩在一起玩耍，十分的可爱。rn 我清晰看见，几个孩子手中拿着弹弓，我从小时候就很讨厌这个东西，因为它危险。突然一个戴红帽子的小男孩指着天空，几个小朋友也把视线转向天空，我也好奇的看了看天空，几只小鸟在我这幢楼旁边的电线杆上，大约有两楼的高度吧，小男孩拿起手中的弹弓拉起皮筋，用单只眼瞄准着，手中的弹珠一触即发，我的心悬了起来，知道他想干什么？此时我也明白了，我拼命地拍打窗户，吹着气想把鸟儿们赶走，可他们怎么就都没看见，没听见了呢？我紧张地望了望小男孩，“啪”的一声弹珠射出，我的心也“啪”地一下绷紧了，弹珠射出迅速向鸟儿飞去，鸟儿们立即向周围散去，可有一只鸟儿从空中掉落，像一架失控的飞机坠落，我的头向窗外伸的更远，头也往下看整，鸟儿落在一片小树丛里，几个男孩还不停地拍手，竖起大拇指，我越来越讨厌他们了，我真想用机枪扫射他们，鸟儿怎么样了？它伤的怎么吗？可千万别死啊~此刻我立即向客厅冲去，一把抓起几上的望远镜，奔向窗口拿起望远镜四处寻找小鸟，终于工夫不负有心人，在我的努力下找到了鸟儿。rn 鸟儿则么样了？我仔细地观察了它，它整个身体倒在地上，嘴中还不停的叫着，好象在对我说：“救救我！”我心痛了，立即放下望远镜，跑向门口决定要拯救这只陷入绝境的小鸟，我按了按门把手则么按都开不开，我的心急了，肯定是父母把我反锁在家不让我出去疯玩，我咬牙切齿狠狠的题了门一角，还骂了一声该死的，回到窗口我心里觉得很愧对鸟儿，真想自己给自己个巴掌，我再次拿起望远镜观察着.......rn 鸟儿用尽喝奶的力气把自己的身子微微的翻了过来，口中叫着似乎在对我说：“我一定能成功的。”鸟儿的信心足了，似乎他在给我打气，安慰我不要伤心，鸟儿渐渐地用翅膀拍打着，我心中好象是在看110米跨栏，心里很激动喊到，加油加油！！可这时几个小男孩也来到了小树林，一定是来捡拾自己的“战利品”的。我猜想着，他们不停的翻动小树林里的枝叶，真象是诗人杜甫在《石壕吏》中来乡间捉男丁打仗的凶恶官吏，这边“官吏”在搜寻，那边无辜的鸟儿才刚刚站稳了脚，一瘸一拐艰难的前行，我真替鸟儿担心，突然间一个“官吏”大叫到：“在这”。我心想不好了，怎么给发现了，这下怎么办啊，鸟儿你快飞啊！快快快啊！！！“官吏”一下子的扑向鸟儿把它死死的握在手中，脸上还露出阴险的微笑。这下惨了，我拍着窗台大叫。鸟儿使劲浑身解数不畏敌人的强大，锋利的爪子不停向“官吏”手上抓，如电钻般的鸟嘴愤怒地啄着他的手指，“官吏”忍不住大叫一声，害怕仍了鸟儿，真是天无绝人之路，我向鸟儿送去热烈的掌声，我真替它的勇敢感到自豪啊！鸟儿此时飞翔天空，嘴中叫到：“成功我成功了....”我抬头仰望着鸟儿露出了我最灿烂的微笑..........very good!
good
不错
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